her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
