You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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