Pants 0. Shit 1.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Ladies don't puke and tell
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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