yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
