So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
