I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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