Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
the day after is always just damage control
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Randomize
