I wish life had little blips of pornography
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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