OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
