Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Randomize
