He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Randomize
