I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
