I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
