We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
