yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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