Who wears a wallet chain?!
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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