If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize