Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I won the penis lottery.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
