FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
