there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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