So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
