the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Bring me that man meat
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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