We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
