...so i touched it.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
