Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
