I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This toilet bowl is my home.
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