I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
