It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
