conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
