Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
and she was petting her beer can
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
