i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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