i wish semen tasted like chocolate
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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