Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
