You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
