I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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