just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
You can't special order awesome
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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