I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize