I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
