I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
