I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize