im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize