Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
