if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
