So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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