Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Randomize
