He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
