i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
