How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
