Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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