I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
