i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
