Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
