she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize