Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
