The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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