I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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