do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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