from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
