WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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