So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
