Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
