Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
