apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
