I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Actions speak louder than pants.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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