sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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