i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize