I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
