He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Randomize
