We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There's always time for handjobs
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
