I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize