Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
