I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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