you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
