I'm lost and stupid without you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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