Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
