his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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