I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
How does one acquire holy water?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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