it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
