Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
