What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
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