So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
