fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
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