I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
