Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."

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(206): View more from Washington

is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?

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(904): View more from Florida

We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple

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(314): View more from Missouri

the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.

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(207): View more from Maine

He violated my cat. I was not impressed.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.

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(613): View more from Ontario

How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.

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