he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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