the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
