I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
