I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
