I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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