He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize