He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
