I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
