5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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