You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
