apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
