I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
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