you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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