well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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