I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
