somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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