my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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