Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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