did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
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